...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
