Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
