and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize