Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
