THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
