either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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