Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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