Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
