I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
