if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
