make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
