i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
