My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
