you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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