Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if only i could text you this smell
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His hands were made for my vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We don't watch enough power rangers
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
