I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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