i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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