I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
