they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just shotgunned beers for America
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
