he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
