Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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