watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
