I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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