Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
