1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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