I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
