her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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