It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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