So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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