I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
