What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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