she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
