I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
