Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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