there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
