i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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