i just google imaged poop.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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