Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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