grandma shit on top of the toilet
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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