you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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