I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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