We won't sleep together?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
