i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
