Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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