There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need moral support for this bender
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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