he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
