So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
