So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
