Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
