TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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