Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
