she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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