The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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