A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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