So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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