so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
