whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
