it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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