Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
