Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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