Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
