We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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