I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
