My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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