He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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