You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
