My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have aggressive nipples.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize