Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
