dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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