I want to make a zoo with you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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