a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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