When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize