Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
