so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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