Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
