dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
